Never Even Seen A Cat...

"Ding Dong."
*Uh Oh.* "Hi."
"Hi. I'm from the City of Toronto. We came around before and were told there were 2 cats living in this house?"
*Grrr- Stupid brother.* Blank stares.
"So are there 2 cats living in this house?"
"I don't know."
"Are you lying?"
"Maybe."
"Okay Ma'am we were told there were 2 cats in this house. Now, if you tell me that the cats have moved, I'm legally obligated to move on and--"
"THE CATS HAVE MOVED."
"I bid you good day."

Scrabbled

We were playing Scrabble at the coffee shop like 2 civilized humans when a pair of ne'r do wells came in and sat down. Their conversation was inappropriate, and their language was COARSE. I'm talking C word coarse. I'm talking "Here's a funny story about me shooting people" inappropriate.
On our other side was a daddy and daughter. The daddy was lovely and the daughter was darling. You could tell the dad was disturbed, but the daughter was about 3 and completely oblivious. I exchanged glances with the Dad. SOME PEOPLE, we thought.
That's pretty much the end of the story. After it was all over, it occurred to me that it would have been awesome if we had countered the conversation with a super loud conversation of our own.
"Hey Mike," I would have said, "You know what's awesome? Tricycles!"
"Oh ya!" he'd have said, "Nothing beats 3 wheels on a sunny afternoon."
"Well one thing does," I'd say. "Reading! You learn the alphabet and then you can read stories about whatever you want!"
"Heck ya!" he'd say, "I just read a story about cookies!!"
"Cookies and milk. Yum. That reminds me..." I'd say, "Santa Claus is the best."
"Totally."

Right and Left

I've always had trouble with right vs. left, in all its various meanings. It started when I was a kid, with the most basic problem- "which way is left?"

The technique I used to figure it out is causing me heady ramifications even today. I know now that the left hand makes a "L", but no one gave me THAT little gem early on, and so here's the way I learned it- "The left hand is the one with the freckle on it." I'm always looking for that freckle- it's the way I learned it, and it stuck!

The problem is that the freckle is fading, in fact, almost gone. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, on the right hand, in the exact same place, a freckle is growing! This transition has been happening for about 3 years, and the complexity and far fetchedness of it boggles my mind. So, as a full grown, intelligent adult, I still have trouble with right and left. Add "stage right and stage left" in to the mix, and you'll find me slinking around just trying to stay out of other people's way.

I also had a hard time with Right Wing and Left Wing. Here's how I learned that- "Right Wings are the ones who think they're right all the time." They have a determined sense of "right and wrong." Left wings are more likely to be accepting of grey areas. The artistic, creative community is generally Left Winged. So, they think with the "left side of the brain." NO WAIT! That's not right!

The Left Wings create with the right sides of their brains, the Right Wings crunch corporate tax benefits with the left sides of their brains. When the Right Wings are watching shows from the left side of the theatre, the Left Wings stand on Stage Right, though standing face to face with the Right Wings, who are using the left sides of their brains to calculate the "right" amount of grant money to allot to struggling artists.

If this post seemed a little pro-left, don't forget that I used the right side of my brain to write it.

Yarned

I was walking down the street the other day when I felt something tugging in my bag. At first I thought it was my cell phone vibrating, but I checked, and it wasn't. I kept walking- more tugging.
I realized that my knitting had been left behind, and I had been trailing yarn with me- from behind the desk at the Bad Dog Theatre, out the door, down the street- all the way to the Black Swan.
I felt like that Billy kid in Family Circus... Except he's hilarious.

I don't get it.

Old Blog

I'm starting a new blog, but to kick it off, I thought I'd post some favourite panels from my old one :